"whole in fragments" oil painting

"Whole in Fragments" is my very first oil painting and I've now discovered a new passion and love of mine.

This painting was a part of my "El Duende" painting process during my Art Therapy Internship program. I am in the process of receiving my credentials to become a Licensed Art Therapist. My experience so was felt very foggy and wavy, with many moments where I felt unsure of myself or I wasn't cut out for this field. Other weeks I would feel super confident and comfortable taking in the therapist role. So throughout the weeks I played around with how much I wanted her face to emerge from the fog and the clouds. 

At one point I started to paint her eyes but that didn't feel right and I blended it all out in the same painting session. That night I heard an owl (or two?) outside my window. I'm used to sleeping with wildlife sounds every night. I live in Portland and it's either frogs, coyotes, owls, and the birds that wake me up. I hadn't heard the owls in a while though. Either that or their sound was overcome by the thousands of frogs outside.

On a particularly difficult day as a therapist, I heard that owl in the middle of the night and I got this image in my head. Painting her eyes didn't feel right because she doesn't know her path yet. She doesn't know what her specialty is, or where she her path is after graduation, and the unknown can be so frightening. In that moment, laying in my bed, I felt like the owl allowed me to give it some of that weight that I carry. I am very hard on myself and often times make myself believe that I am not cut out of this career. It's very challenging for me to talk to people, which is hilarious because of the field I'm in. I work on it everyday and feel like I have developed the skills that don't come to me naturally. 

The next day I started painting the owl, using it as a guidance for me and my journey. I may not know exactly where I am headed but I found comfort in feeling like I had a supportive guide looking out for me - being my eyes. The owl is wise, it can see significantly better than humans can in the dark, and can see beyond the surface.

The rest of my painting process felt cathartic and then grounding. I felt like I was able to hand it my fears and doubts so that each day is a little bit more manageable. The pixels are to show a form of interconnection. Where they started as two individual entities but are forming into one. "Whole in Fragments" is about starting to feel comfortable in the little pieces of unknown that I have yet to experience and discover.